You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
