her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Two words: blizzard sex
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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