I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
