I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
