Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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