I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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