Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
