Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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