hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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