if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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