Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
