Are we in a gay sports bar?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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