She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
