my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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