so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
