Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
