found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
