I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize