dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sorry about my life...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
