And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
