I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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