I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
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just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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