i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
