I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize