I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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