I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
