He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Im part way to drunk.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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