wat bout pragnant strippers??
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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