she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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