i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i think i just lost a toe
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