Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
