At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
