dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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