he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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