it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
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Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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