you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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