party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
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Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
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Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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