i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
