someone owes me an orgasm
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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