I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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