I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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