I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
