i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
