Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
