I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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