He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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