It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
