Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
