Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
