The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
