I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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