There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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