im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What drink are we having for lunch?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize