Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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