Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.

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  (203): I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you. http://tfl.nu/ig1m
  Replies (8) Good night (1548) Bad night (720)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru

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  (573): i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru http://tfl.nu/xoee
  Replies (22) Good night (942) Bad night (3558)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad

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  (718): Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad http://tfl.nu/ofwb
  Replies (40) Good night (5960) Bad night (792)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.

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  (201): I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday. http://tfl.nu/fib9
  Replies (49) Good night (5445) Bad night (1419)
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  (925): View more from California

  He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me

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  (925): He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me http://tfl.nu/mntk
  Replies (16) Good night (1083) Bad night (4911)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.

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  (905): Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are. http://tfl.nu/m18s
  Replies (2) Good night (3137) Bad night (859)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.

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  (705): I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it. http://tfl.nu/m045
  Replies (3) Good night (1399) Bad night (656)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day

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  (404): I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day http://tfl.nu/nvho
  Replies (1) Good night (889) Bad night (858)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it

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  (352): Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it http://tfl.nu/3d88
  Replies (2) Good night (615) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.

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  (516): He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever. http://tfl.nu/8pla
  Replies (4) Good night (2082) Bad night (498)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.

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  (303): I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION. http://tfl.nu/audf
  Replies (3) Good night (1441) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.

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  (951): The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever. http://tfl.nu/0whk
  Replies (3) Good night (855) Bad night (416)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.

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  (651): OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high. http://tfl.nu/rjps
  Replies (2) Good night (1290) Bad night (732)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.

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  (306): my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets. http://tfl.nu/lsez
  Replies (2) Good night (486) Bad night (308)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking

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  (503): Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking http://tfl.nu/zd3u
  Replies (2) Good night (596) Bad night (204)

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