We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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