I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.