My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements