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I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
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