dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
