you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
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using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
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theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet