We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
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I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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