What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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