I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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