things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
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he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
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Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.