Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.