Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
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She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.