walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
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you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
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It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way