i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif