It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
