True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
