new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
