No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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