Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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