I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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