i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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